They’re Eating The Dawgs! (excerpt)

Synopsis:

In yet another assassination attempt (the 14^th!), Chuck Burger, President Trump’s chef and food taster, has been poisoned.

Trump’s Chief Of Staff, Jackie Russell, a booze-fuelled QAnon devotee, has replaced Chuck with Prudence Casimir, who comes as part of a package deal with her St Bernard dog, Bernie, and just happens to be Haitian.

Trump, terrorised by the dog, wants to get rid of it, but becomes addicted to the delicious canine stews that are Prudence’s specialty.  Prudence’s position on this is clear:  If the dog goes, she goes.

Benjamin Netanyahu (Bibi) shows up to try and ensure an ongoing weapons supply for his war.  He too becomes addicted to the stews, requiring a special clearance from his rabbi.

Finding his weapons pleas falling on deaf ears, Bibi tries to blackmail Trump with a recording of his admission that Biden legitimately won the 2020 election.  Trump counters with a threat to tweet out Bibi’s DNA test results, claiming Ashke-Nazism to be a deal-breaker with the Israeli electorate.

Greenland has meanwhile launched a pre-emptive strike on the US, catching a hung-over Pete Hegseth unawares.

Through all of this, Elon Musk is stripping the Administration bare, his ultimate aim being to take the Jan 6 insurrectionists with him to Mars.

Meanwhile, Trump shoots an uncooperative Samuel Alito on Fifth Avenue, replacing him on the Supreme Court with Bernie, on the assumption of loyalty as a basic canine tenet, and on the understanding that the dog be kept away from him.

Trump, having decided to turn Gaza into a terrorist theme park, conceives a plan to rebuild the US economy on the basis of canine stew, taking this plan to Moscow in order to cow Putin with the prospect of a Canine Gap, whilst at the same time gifting him Ukraine.

Bernie meanwhile crosses Trump in an unfavourable ruling on a challenge to presidential immunity.  Trump, in response, takes Bernie for a walk on Fifth Avenue.  In serving up Bernie as a final meal, Prudence, who has acquired some Novichok whilst in Moscow, makes a final attempt on Trump’s life.

But is he dead, or is this truly Trump’s Second Coming?

Character Breakdown:

The play is a 4-hander: 2 males, 2 females
DONALD TRUMP                                                            79
JACKIE RUSSELL                                                            30
PRUDENCE CASIMIR                                                      30 (Haitian)
JOHN ROBERTS  69 / BENJAMIN NETANYAHU (BIBI) 75 / VLADIMIR PUTIN 73 / ELON MUSK 54 – one actor.

Running-time:  95 minutes

Production History:  Not yet produced.

Excerpt available for download for freeon